i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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