operation harelip BJ is a go
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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