My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
