I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
