Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
