you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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