I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
