I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
