dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
