He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
