Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
