naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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