I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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