i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
