need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
