Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
