The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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