we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
