what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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