We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
