just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize