Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
