and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
