quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
