She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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