I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
