through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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