god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
