flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
