oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
too bad you live with your parents still
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
