I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
