If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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