My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
