In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
