oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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