it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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