i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
