well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
