I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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