I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
