It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
