god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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