I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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