Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
