bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
