doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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