How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
