I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
