I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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