I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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