I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
