dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
